Thursday, July 14, 2016

"I'm Calling You A Fat Piece Of Shit Because I Care About You!" Wait, What?

If you're even the slightest bit overweight, you've heard it all before. They always claim that they're calling you rude names and telling you how to live your life because, hey, they care about you! These complete strangers, who wouldn't know you from Adam, care. Truly. Because of course, when you care about someone you call them fat pieces of shit and tell them to die, right? Logic.
I'm part of the weird generation that simultaneously grew up in the "real world" outside with friends, and online. We had a home PC from the time I was about 7 and we have had home internet since then I think as well. It feels like we've always had it. I got my first personal laptop, not internet connected, when I was 13. It wasn't even wifi capable, because wifi was barely a thing.

The reason I bring up technology, and my background with it, is because I rarely had to deal with "fat shaming" in person. Sure, there were bullies, but it was different. They made fun of me because I was different, because I was poor. I got free school lunch, their parents paid. I had hand-me-down clothes, their parents brought them to Eblen's for new clothes and shoes. And none of them pretended to care about me.

The thing that is really popular now is that people will hide behind their screens and type insults at people and then say "I'm only saying this because I care! You're gonna die if you stay the way you are!" Well, I hate to break it to ya kid, but everyone is going to die eventually. Now don't get me wrong, I am working on my health. I don't want to die early. I don't want to deal with pain in my back, or swollen legs and ankles. But I also don't understand how being told I'm going to die is going to help anything.

I was watching a video on YouTube by PopTrigger called "YouTube’s Most Disliked Video Will Shock You... Or Unfortunately Not." Spoiler alert, the video was #ProudToBe: Coming Together to Celebrate Identity. It's, obviously, about coming out stories and being proud to be who you are. Which is an amazing thing. I would say I don't understand how it is the most disliked video, but as PopTrigger's title suggests, unfortunately I do. Not only was it a targeted attack from 4Chan, but a lot of the most disliked videos are about the LGBTQ+ community. It's a trend.

On that video I posted a comment.
As you can see, at the time of my screenshot (9:48am EST Tuesday July 12 for anyone curious) it has 5 likes and 21 replies. Yes, some of those replies are me. But not all of them. Not even half. Want to see a few of the replies I got?

Why thank you, this is not a bad comment. I'm terrible at accepting compliments, but I appreciate it nonetheless. Then there was this guy:
Now, his name is "Literal Trash" which makes me wonder if he's not a troll. But regardless, trolls are often the ones pretending to "care" about you. My reply was simple.

Not a bad reply. Not rude, just straightforward. This is when he gets testy.
Still sounds like he's pretending to be on the "I care" track, right? This is what immediately followed. This is how I know they don't actually care.
Was my reply the best it could have been? Probably not. But like I said, I deal with this constantly. You try to start out nice and non-confrontational. They always end up like him. There are a ton more examples of comments looking like that. Rest assured, I've been called every name in the book. They've come up with some of the most creative things I've ever read. And when I realize that I'm laughing at the absurdity is when I realize I'm not affected by it. 

It doesn't necessarily hurt my feelings. It does make me sad for them. This behavior should be unacceptable, but it is so common online that I'm not shocked when I see a reply like this. It's just the way the internet is now. How terribly sad.

My point today is that people like this are worse than the ones that just come right out and admit they're being jerks. I hate when people pretend to be something they aren't. If you've ever read anything on my blog you'll see that I am completely honest. I don't hold back. I have posts about my depression (and yes, those are 5 separate posts), and posts about my father and brothers' deaths. Even in my about page I talk about my mental health issues and things that have happened in my life. 

If you're going to be a jerk, at least be honest about it. And trust me, between Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube there are plenty of examples of people just being jerks for no reason. But it's people like "Literal Trash" that make it so you can never trust that someone genuinely cares about you. Because you're always waiting for the backhanded compliment, or for them to just go bonkers.


Have you ever dealt with something like this? Maybe not about your weight, but anything else? Let's talk about it in the comments, I'd love to hear how you deal.





6 comments:

  1. People are jerks. Unfortunately there will always be bullies. The Internet makes it so much easier for them too. I was never really bullied in Jr. High, but I always had this one girl who always had something to say, something about my shoes(because they weren't name brand), and even my jewelry. She couldn't stand other girls giving me compliments. And trust me I was not popular in school. She was one of the "popular" girls. I even had this one particular boy tell me I looked like a rat... I even had someone make fun of my teeth over the Internet, luckily by this time I had learned to accept I just have big teeth because all the genuine compliments should outweigh the ugly mean ones, but we always focus on the hurtful ones. Backhanded compliments do not help. People who bully are insecure, they are miserable with their life. They can't find what truly makes them happy. I just want you to know you matter, you are important, and you do not deserve the hateful things people say to you. No one does.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, it means a lot. I've gotten to a point where I don't take these things personally, but I'm hoping that the more we talk about it the less it will happen.

      Delete
  2. It's hard to get past all those hurtful comments. People will find anything to poke fun of. Only you know your life, who you are, what you've been through... you just do the best you can, one step at a time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely, Jaime. But hopefully bringing these things into the public notice will help to decrease the instances. Maybe one day bullies will disappear. Not likely, but still worth a shot lol

      Delete
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